Valentines

I remember Valentines day in New York – it must have been Feb 14th 1999 – and I was studying there for a year, and being quite surprised about the fuss that was being made, and the kitschy pressies to buy. Valentines is not big in Germany, or at least wasn’t at that time. My Japanese flatmate had given me a card and a little present, and – taken by surprise – I hadn’t returned the favor, which did not improve the Japanese –German diplomatic relations in the least, which were tense to start with – Japanese tend to be very polite and indirect, and Germans quite blunt and outspoken. What stayed in my mind, however, is the look of pity I got from strangers for being out and about on my own that day. I didn’t feel I needed to be pitied, and stared back, baffled. It dawned on me that nobody wanted to be seen by themselves on Valentines, that it would be a major tragedy, the final proof of having failed miserably, in life, love and everything else.

Reading the magazines here gives me the impression that Valentines is one of the most disliked days of the year. Hearts and bears are abominable, the restaurants overpriced, it’s difficult to feel romantic towards your life partner of 25 years, or, quite simply, there isn’t anybody special right now, and even your friends are thousands of miles away as it happens.

So, how to deal with Valentines? As with many other holidays, the people who seemingly don’t fit into the stereotype of that day just tend to snub it, ignore it. You live by yourself in a bedsit on the outskirts of London, your family are on another continent, you’ve just separated, it’s Christmas, and as conveniently public transport is nonexistent that day, you can’t even see your friends, unless they are willing to accommodate you for 3 days in a row? People take to the bottle for lesser reasons I believe – OK, only joking. It is however reality for quite a number of people. What the people in New York were right about is that there need to be days when you should do your utmost to spend it with people you are close to. Christmas is one of them, even if you have to camp in somebody’s living room, but why not reinvent Valentines for yourself too? Take it as a festival of love, of humanity, of heart connection, and, so close to Chinese New Year, as a celebration to bless the year to come, to feel desire and wish for it to be manifested. Get together with friends, or other couples, or just anybody you happen to know, be grateful for your life, or at least for being still alive!

May you all have a happy Valentines this year, love and namaste

Sarani Premanjali